I feel like I’m in the dating world: How much should I chase after follow-ups?
Imagine this: 9th grade Anita. Hurrying home from high school and racing to my Amma’s bedroom across from mine where there was an off-white corded phone on her nightstand. Plopping down. Waiting. And waiting. Day after day as the school’s Sadie Hawkins dance approached. I had asked the boy. He had smiled. There was no response…yet. (more on this story later in the post)
Folks, I need a rule of thumb, a best practice.
What Got Me Here…
For the past 25 years, people wanted to connect with and receive follow-ups from me. Some of that is reflective of the “status” I had achieved in my professional life. And truthfully, some of it is reflective of my not pushing myself to move out of my alleged status. Not chasing after the bigger dreams, the bigger goals. The ones that needed others’ help to achieve.
I enjoy being helpful. I love solving problems. I can see the forest from the trees pretty easily and bring a stomach of steel to many conundrums. I also know well how to set up processes, boundaries, and filters in helping others – see my posts on how I allocate my time and the benefits of my organizational skills.
It’s really important for people seeking help, especially people earlier in their professional lives, to demonstrate their focus and tenacity. Any help I give should be a good use of my time helping someone who will run forward with their dreams.
…Won’t Get Me There
Times are changing. As I move out of that comfortable state, I need to connect with people who respond to me and action follow-ups.
I *think* I am a good candidate for that help. For example, I ask clear questions and make specific requests for follow-up. I am thoughtful of whether what I’m asking is a good fit for that person: Is it actionable? Is it bounded? etc. I reflect deeply on whether I am coming across as honest, trustworthy, serious, intelligent, and offering something of value to the other person. I am savvy in obtaining specific follow-ups on the call itself, even openly discussing what to do if I don’t hear back.
- A Sense of Urgency to accomplish their goals
- A High Speed of Execution
- Attention to Detail and High Demand for Excellence
- An Obsession with Growth
- Curiosity about new topics and a Desire for Expertise
I created and self-assessed on a 5-point scale, reviewing it every quarter. I am definitely not all 5s – let alone at the midpoints on most! A leader on my team says I’m a hard grader – isn’t that what #3 is about?!?
The Struggle
Where I am struggling is how I balance demonstrating my KMIs versus being a nuisance. In the book, he talks about sending an initial email, and then one 2 weeks later. Then, if you don’t hear back, let it go. I put that into practice, but I’m not sure it’s right for me – and more importantly, is it the most effective way to achieve my goals?
I also know not everyone who purports to have the information, access, etc. actually does. Many people who say they want to help are actually just full of shit. Sussing out these latter elements requires confidence and the ability to read people and operate strategically. My 25+ years has taught me well those skills.
Maybe it’s because I find myself in less comfortable arenas that I don’t feel well-served by these skills – or maybe I am simply questioning myself in a way that is humble and wise. Who knows?
A good friend whose accomplishments I admire recently told me she keeps following up with people until they tell her to stop. That feels odd, but is that because my ego is in the way…? I need to figure this out. I don’t care about getting a “no”. While I love and thrive in ambiguity, I can’t stand wishy-washiness. I want to create a process that I can scale. Take the emotions out of it and move forward.
Seeking Guidance
Help. Is there a numerical rule of thumb? Is the answer to simply treat others as I’d like to be treated? How about being true to myself by naming any potential reasons for lack of follow-up, hopefully spurring the other person’s comfort in responding? Arrrrrgggggh. Help wanted!
If you have articles on the topic (there are SO many posts on following up vs. chasing), please send them my way.
To close out the story…he never called. After a week or two, I saw him around school and asked him what was up. He uncomfortably said “no”…and went to the dance with someone else. I would have been much happier if he’d have just told me “no” at the outset. Maybe this is why I’m good at moving through hearing a “no”. 🙂